How to (Successfully) Make Sidney Crosby Fall in Love with Me

Today, while I was sulking my room being a skeleton monkey, I checked the Pittsburgh Penguins website and just about died. "Sidney Crosby to Return to the Line-up Monday" is what the headline read. It was over. I couldn't control my wonderful, high-pitched screams of joy. I think a couple of dogs barked when my screams were heard across Kingston. Anyways, my love for Sidney bloomed a thousand times over when I heard this, so I decided to rekindle my plans to get him to fall in love for me. These plans are intense and will most definitely work, so be warned. And don't try to steal my man using them, or you will find the head of your beloved horse in your bed next to you followed by many other disturbing things.

1. I will find someway to meet him. Now, this meeting session cannot be at some autograph signing. It has to be an intimate experience where he looks through an aquarium into my eyes and falls in love with me. So, like a pet store or a Sushi restaurant or something.
2. I will go down to New Orleans or England or something and find some deep, deep black magic books. I will them become extremely powerful after studying the endless pages of evil. After, I will find Sidney Crosby and kill everyone in the world and make them zombie servants so we're the only ones left  on the planet and he will fall in love with me.
3. I will create a false apocalyptic disaster lie and tell Sidney about it. I will them create a diversion and sneak into Sidney's home. He won't be scared of me because he trusts me now because I warned him of the apocalypse. We will hide in the basement until it passes, will fall in love and then realize there was no apocalypse at all and proceed to laugh.
4. I will become a Grecian siren and hypnotize him with my beautiful voice. He will then fall in love with me because I'm a siren and they're awesome. Plus, he's under my spell.
5. I will save his life, like taking a bullet for him, and he will then become internally grateful to me. He will want to marry me out of pity but I will be all demure and humble and say "you don't really love me, it's okay." He will then run out of the hospital into the pouring rain and see a montage of all of the great times we've had together. He will then realize he really does love me and run back in only to find I have slipped into a coma. He will then cry and say "Emma, I really do love you. Please wake up. I love you" and at that exact moment, a tear will fall on my face and I will awake and say I love him too. Then all will be happy and he will love me.