"It's Jersey Shore, Bitch!"

     Everyone I know has an embarrassing guilty pleasure. My friend, Sakura, stares at Taylor Lautner's sensual and spicy abs, my friend, Erica, listens to Morrissey and my Father watches Wipe Out every Wednesday night. I also have a guilty pleasure, but mine is extremely embarrassing. I like watching Jersey Shore. Actually, I don't like watching Jersey Shore—I love it. 
     Now, I know what your thinking, but I actually have a strange passion and obsession for it. I know it's, like, the most ridiculous show on television, but I can't help myself. Watching fresh t-shirt clad, fake tanned bimbos and Guidos beat each other up is so addicting. I howl whenever Snookie opens her mouth and when Mike picks up multiple grenades in one night. I think it's probably, one the funniest shows on television. The cast makes the show for me, it doesn't matter where they are, they're still jaw-droppingly hilarious. From the brainless (and kind of sexy) "Situation", Pauly-D, Ronnie and Vinny to the moronic and slutty Snookie, J-WOWW and Sammi "Sweetheart"; I love them all. My Father says I'll get dumber by watching the show. He's probably right but I don't care. I can't live without my too much cologne wearing, pickle eating and overly tanned friends! Jersey Shore is on tonight at 10 pm. I'm actually missing a hockey game on television to watch it. I really enjoy watching it that much.

Paris Hilton's Limo

    This is the brilliant paragraph my group wrote in Writer's Craft today. Mind you, it's primarily written by my magnificent group member, Asha Griffiths ( Katlin and I added some questionable sentences and concepts). No one in class was really paying attention to any one's paragraphs, so we decided to type it out for people to read. So, I hope you enjoy Paris Hilton's Limo.

Paris Hilton's Limo

Paragraph by Asha and a few sentences by Emma and Katlin

      

     Sitting there was like tasting a sour patch kid dusted in crack. Reality took a while to hit me. Champagne with an undertone of Chanel no. 5 enlightened my senses. In came the oh so glamorous 6ft 2 glamazon draped in authentic, exotic furs from Italy and diamonds and glitz, followed by a perfected fake tan, lingering with the smell of dirty sex and tequila. I sat there in amazement, frozen and taking it all in. Her entourage tipsily, tumbled into the backseat, bursting out in reels of obnoxious laughter. Their breath doused in jello shots and fuzzy navels; white powder dusting the flare of their nostrils.

     "Pass the Hennessy, you sexy bitch," Paris laughed grabbing the almost full bottle and taking a swig; a little alcohol spilling from her mouth onto her silicone ingested chest. The more the bottle was passed around, the greater their erazed, drunken laughs, with long tanned legs flailing and Jimmy Choo's flying. Skirts were slided half way up their thighs as they stood up and gyrated, then fell like drunken fools giddily into their leather seats.

    " OMG, where the fuck is Tinkerbell?" the cake faced glamorized, liposuctioned alcky- fiend implied.

    " OMG, what the fuck is that nasty smell?" said some anorexic chick in a leopard pink tube dress, pinching her nose.

     " Maybe it's you Paris!" blabbered the obnoxious brunette with no bra.

     " Close your crotch bitch!" Paris laughed, "that was hot!" They all laughed, flicking the liquor bottle in the air, sending drops of it on everyone. The backseat limo door opened.

      " Umm, miss Hilton, it appears we have a problem..." the young limo driver inquired. "We found Tinkerbell, umm, decomposing in the trunk. It looks like she's been there for around two weeks."

      Paris sat there, her mouth half open and smiling slightly.

      " So that's were the smell of rotting flesh came from. L.M.A.O!" she laughed.

      

                

Why do the Toronto Maple Leafs still have Fans?

        Have you ever wondered why some people love the Leafs. Who could actually like possibly one of the worst teams in the league that lose almost every game and are the laughing-stocks of the NHL? Well, you're in luck gentle viewers, because I know why (no offense to any Leafs fans who might be reading this but this probably why you like them).
         Sometimes in pop culture, it's easier to like secondary characters or teams. For example, my favourite characters in a book or a movie have never been the main ones. I like Fred and George from Harry Potter, Sodapop from The Outsiders and weirdest of all, Tybalt from Romeo and Juliet. I believe it's easier to like them; like it's easier to like the Leafs. By liking a supporting character instead of a main one, you never set yourself for disappointment. Bad things don't usually happen to supporting characters (with the exception of Fred Weasley in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and Tybalt from Romeo and Juliet). By liking the Leafs, a team who never wins, you never have to worry about them losing an important playoff game- they always lose, so its normal to the fans. 
       One of the less embarrassing reasons why people cheer for the Leafs is because of their history. I know it's hard to imagine, but the Leafs were good once. Some people have grown up liking the Leafs or their parents have. They are one of the original six teams. I guess people find the long, rich history of the Leafs appealing.
       Even if the Leafs had the worse hockey players imaginable, they'd still have fans. That's why they trade their first round draft picks for mediocre players, they don't need good ones. The Leafs just need a team, and fans will follow blindly no matter how much they suck for these two reasons.

Death to the Kindle

       Have you ever seen one of those Kindle or E-reader things? Those mini computers that you can download hundreds of different books on? Well, they suck. E-readers ruin the entire experience of reading. I mean, how could someone ever read a classic like Oliver Twist on a tiny, little computer that destroys your eyes?

    To achieve the entire experience of reading something, you need  to hear the spine crack the first time you open the book or the perfect scent of a new book. With that dumb computer thing, that isn't possible. You need to be able to take a book wherever you want like on a plane, or a waiting room or even snuggling with your dog on the couch while it's snowing outside. Even owning a book is part of the experience. Seeing the different colours and textures on a book shelf. Their pages whispering their darkest secrets, begging you to read them. Books speak even when they stand unopened on the shelf. 

     A hundred years ago, people didn't have stupid computers, they had real books. I love reading one of my favourite books, Gone with the Wind, and knowing that people many years ago have read it just like I am. Actually turning the pages and skipping to the last chapter to know if Rhett really didn't give a damn. E-readers obviously aren't the same.

      One of the best experiences of reading an actual book is the memories that come along with it, like where you were or what you were doing when you were reading it. For example, I remember reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on a plane coming home from France. I actually shouted "Fred dies?!?!" and everyone on the plane looked at me. It was super embarrassing, but whenever I pick up that book, I think about the memory. Memories cling to the printed page more than anything else (as quoted from Inkheart). I don't understand how someone could have those experiences on a little computer screen.

   So never bring an E-reader near me, or I'll probably throw it out the window.

Why Hate on the Greats?

   Do you remember the first time you heard about a "great"? By "great" I mean a concept of a state of superiority affecting a person, object or place. The concept carries the implication that the particular person or object, when compared to others of a similar type, has clear and perceivable advantage [as quoted from Wikipedia]. Someone like Wayne Gretzky, Tiger Woods( Pre-hooker phase), the Beatles, Gene Kelly or William Shakespeare. I remember the first time I heard about Shakespeare, that's for sure. How could one person be such a genius and write so many magnificent plays? I was blown away. All of the people I've mentioned are "greats" but no matter how "great" they are, someone always hates them. I always wondered why until a few months ago.

    I was sitting in the cafeteria at lunch about to tell my friends about my new, intensely creepy love for Sidney Crosby. As soon as I said his name, I got attacked. One of my friends all of a sudden started screaming (I'm not kidding, she was screaming.) about how much she hated him. Apparently he's a jerk, a girl, a wuss and a whiner. Now, I never believed a word she said but I still wondered if he was those things. In the end, decided I didn't care if he was a whiner. He was a fantastic hockey player and was hot. That was all that mattered. He would be always be known as a "great", even if he never played another hockey game.

     I finally realize why she and other haters, hate him so much. They can't believe that a single person could be that great. How one person could be so talented and have so much success that they'll probably never have. People also hate the "greats" because everybody else likes them. It's the whole "rebelling against conformity" thing. They think the "greats" are overrated and wonder why they receive so much attention. Now, the "greats" receive so much attention because they're great, it's as simple as that.

    I mean, even though I don't really like Tiger Woods or Wayne Gretzky, I still respect that they are great and worked hard to be that way. I can't deny that.

An Epiphany About Americans

   Before switching into art history, I was taking world issues. I thought it would be somewhat interesting to learn about issues that were happening in the world. I was very wrong but that's not what I wanted to talk about. I was dozing off in class yesterday when the teacher brought up that a American minister from Florida was going to burn copies of the Qur'an(the Islamic bible) as a protest to 9/11. The first thing that popped into my mind was "Americans are freaking stupid and crazy. They're actually thinking of burning these books because a few people of that religion caused the 9/11 terrorist attacks? Americans are really ignorant. Not every Muslim is a terrorist!" As I was about to put up my hand, the girl across from me spoke up. She said; "Americans are soooo dumb. They're the ones who have soldiers in Afghanistan killing innocent people everyday. More people were killed in this war than World War Two! I can't believe Americans could be this stupid." Now, this post isn't about how dumb or ignorant Americans are, it's about how they're not. After she said the "More were killed in this war" comment (I don't know how much of this was true or not), I realized that her and myself had done exactly what the "Americans" had done. Categorized a group of people for a sin or a problem that only a few of them had done or caused. Not everyone in a America is a loony Republican just like not all Muslims are terrorists.
I actually had a epiphany in the most boring class in Westdale. Categorizing people is unfair and also very, very ignorant. You can't categorize a entire religion based on their background or what a group of people of that religion did! Not every Russian is a Communist, not every German is a Nazi and not every Canadian is a happy-go-lucky fisherman who talks funny and watches hockey. From now on, I will stop categorizing people because of their race, religion, sex and so on. For it makes me look very foolish and very ignorant.

Who knew Nick J. could actually sing!

       Unfortunately, I was once a Jonas Brothers fanatic. I knew all of their middle names, favourite movies, every lyric to every song and every detail about their faces. It was pretty bad.

    Now that I've got over my insane obsession, I've realized the Jonas Brothers' many faults. They're straight-out-of-the-mold Disney "rock" stars that dress weird and look like primates. I used to love, love, love Nick Jonas with all of my heart and thought his voice was like "an angel sighing"(to quote Madonna). Now, he sounds like a whiny, constipated four year old girl. Or does he?

       I was recently reading a article about how Nick Jonas was supposed to play Marius in the London 50th anniversary edition of the best musical ever created, Les Miserable. At first, I thought; "Oh Lord, this will be a disaster," but I was proved wrong. I listened to him sing "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" on Youtube and was freaking blown away. I mean, I've been studying music for, like, 9 years now so I know what I'm talking about. Why doesn't he sing like that all of the time? Wasted talent, I mean really. Wasted, freaking talent. Watch it, you won't be disappointed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRZSeJTJMoY

Dear Romance Novels

I love to read and books are my passion. I consider myself a "smart" reader, so I never in a million years thought I would read a Nicholas Sparks novel. I mean, eww. Romance novels are mostly tacky, unrealistic, cheesy, predictable and written by some student in university trying to earn some cold, hard cash. I usually read things like The Kite Runner or The Giver. Novels with depth and meaning, not cheesiness and crap.

      I read Dear John at my cottage in Bayfield. There is nothing to do in Bayfield. There are only so many times that one can browse in the kitchen stores that claim that everything in the was made in Canada, are for old people and that smell faintly like Made in China stickers hidden on the inventory. Anyways, that's when I read the marvellous, literary masterpiece of Dear John. Everything in the novel was not what I expected. It wasn't tacky, but charming and sweet. It was actually quite realistic (even though I don't believe in love at first sight) and was totally not predictable. The ending tugged at my heartstrings so much, it made me sob uncontrollably. I loved it.

    I now have read 4 Nicholas Sparks Novels and absolutely adore them. I guess you really can't judge a book by it's cover after all.